Thursday, January 28, 2010

Ever met a Zombie Client... straight outta Hell?


Clients come in all shapes and sizes. There are the cool, collected, smart tech-savvy sorts. And then there are 'Zombies' - the diabolically demanding, clinically clingy, painfully possessive and awfully anal sorts.

Ask anyone who's ever dealt with clients esp. in the creative field and they'll speak of nightmarish ordeals with zombies crazed about typeface, obsessed over logo size, possessed with ridiculous ideas, fixated on one or a choice of colours... 

Check out these horror stories from around the world:


  • "Here is some hair I cut off of my poodle. Make my fabric match my poodle."


  • "Your hourly rate is okay, as long as you don’t need more than an hour. And you can show me how you did it so I can do it on my own next time." 


  • "I don't care if it loses 90% of visitors, we cant have a skip on the website intro, we paid a lot of money for that and everybody has to see it."


  • "I need to get moving on this. I'm sure you can do some work on your vacation. That’s a long vacation, I bet you’ll get bored anyway, and this is back-and-forth via email, not phone, so it shouldn’t cause you any stress..."


  • "I like how the poster looks, the illustration, the font, everything, but….can you do it again but better?" 


  • Client: “I have a great idea, and I’d like to bring you on board as a partner.
    Me: “Go on..”
    Client:
    “It’s great.  I want to recreate Google, but make it better.
    Me:
    “How?
    Client:
    “Well that’s where your expertise comes in.”


  • "Can you show Joanne [client’s secretary] how you designed our business cards. I don’t want to pay you for doing them."



Maybe you too can share your Zombie story and relieve your pain.

Mr. Madness would like to thank Jainesh Patel (veteran Zombie survivor) for this post.