Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Copenhagen... we have a problem

World... watch out!
The delicate ecological balance of our planet is under threat once again.

In the past, cows that farted & belched a lot almost triggered off a greenhouse gas crisis with their deadly methane emissions.

Now, the world is on the brink of another potential catastrophe - rising water levels - caused by turtles farting without a care in the world.

An aquarium recently had to lower the water level in the tanks after gas emissions from turtles set off overflow alarms in the UK. Apparently, the turtles were on a diet of sprouts and beans!

I urge world powers in Copenhagen to treat the above as a serious matter and not just another blogger emission.

And that rounds off my blog for 2009 - a stonkingly stinky fart of a year.
Here's hoping 2010 is a ripping blast... albeit of an entirely different sort.
Bish! Bam! Boom!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

AVATAR... a game-changer indeed

Saw Avatar in Digital 3D on Friday. What a movie! What an experience!
A spell-binding visual treat, I'd call it a must-watch this Xmas.

Been a very long time since a movie created such excitement and anticipation within me. Actually pre-booked our tickets a week in advance. (Could call it the Cameron effect.)

Avatar is James Cameron's magnum opus. He spent 12 years making it. Could hardly wait to see how the animated Na'vi and the entirely CG-ed planet Pandora looked on big screen in 3D.

And all those sneak previews & reviews and blog posts were all screaming 'Go Go Go watch it'. Watch it I had to. Now that I have, here's what I think:

While the storyline is as straight (and uncomplicated) as a Na'vi arrow, it's the visual joy of Avatar that beholds you right through its 3 hour duration.

  • The exquisitely detailed forest (the humungous Home tree, the Sacred tree of Eywa, the enchanting flora, dense bushes and leaves) 
  • The meticulously created characters (the Na'vi tribe, the Avatars and all the wild creatures... wonderfully described in the Pandorapedia) and 
  • The beautifully crafted scenes (the dragon birds (ikran) in flight, the fight sequences, the glorious floating hallejuhah mountains)... 
are sheer eye-candy and a treat to watch in digital 3D.

Much praise for Peter Jackson & Richard Taylor's teams at Weta Digital. The CGI is incredibly seamless. Like never before, the animated characters blend in so smoothly, one can hardly tell they're computer-created. Also, since the Na'vi are not too unlike humans, it's not difficult for viewers to identify with and feel for them.

Once again, James Cameron has succeeded in the art of story-telling. He has masterfully spun a fantasy out of his head and put it out there. Right from the first reel of Avatar, you feel like you're transported to a whole new world. I'm talking complete yet credible suspension of disbelief. And that's the beauty of a simple story well told.

In the final analysis, Avatar (3D) is a game-changer. It's the best thing that's happened in ages for 3D cinema, for good, clean family entertainment, and of course for Weta Digital & James Cameron - the man himself... who has just spawned a new empire of games, toys, memorabilia and lots more to follow.

Bring on the sequel, but first, I'll be seeing Avatar again... can't pay the movie a bigger compliment than that.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Go Tiger... go get 'em!

Tiger Woods has taken a hiatus from golf. But he leaves us a legacy of mirth and merriment. And for that, I salute him and crack a few:

Can you really blame Tiger for what happened? From a very young age, every time he got his rod out in public, people cheered.

Not just that, they’d get him to autograph their balls and would even touch his rod. And whenever he’d hole one, they'd clap and egg him on to another hole. So then, who’s really to blame?

Just so you know, I don’t blame Tiger for what he did. I blame the guys at Nike. They kept going Just do it. Just do it. So he did it. And did it.

Uh-oh… we have to interrupt blogcast for a live update. Word's just in... Tiger Woods’ WTS (Women Tiger Shafted) tally has gone up to 15 birdies! Little wonder then, he's been named Athlete of the Decade. Sorry about that blogoitus interruptus. Back to where we were…

Just the other day, we asked his Coach what went wrong with Tiger. He had this to say ‘Tiger is a very driven player. He tried to get a birdie aka hole-in-one every time he played. Every morning, Tiger would wake up at 5am to work on his drive. Now we know he was working on his sex drive!’

We also know Tiger’s wife bludgeoned his SUV with a golfing iron. His fans are thanking the heavens he's not a baseball player.

Apparently, Steve Williams, Tiger’s caddy for 10 years, has recently been competing in saloon car racing. Good call, Stevo.

Why did Tiger do waitresses and porn stars? Well… they must've been good. After all, he uses Gillette - the best a man can get.

Speaking of which, did you hear about the blockbluster the Chinese are making on Tiger Woods: Crouching Tiger Hidden Pussy.

Actually, the media should’ve seen the whole thing coming. It’s all there in his name. Tiger… tigers like to hunt. Woods… the perfect setting for hunting. Put the two together and... go Tiger, go get 'em!

Got any fresh Tiger Woods jokes? Send them in and I’ll add them here.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Is Photo-Bombing... the next big fun fad ?

Could this legendary News-Crasher have sparked off a new fun fad?

Call it news-crashing, photo-bombing, thunder-robbing or show-stealing... here's how it's done:

Without doubt, the funniest photo-bombs are the natural, un-planted ones - the ones that just get taken and show up in the photostream. And unless you spot them first, they could turn into... #ThatAwkwardMomentWhenSomeoneTellsYouTheresACockroachInYourClickinSoup

Here's one of those rare shots I got off my mate's Facebook album.

Man helps himself to Access-All-Areas Backstage Pass... while Berlin concert fans wait in heat ;-)

Apparently, humans are not the only ones to have dived into the photo-bombing trend. Recent reports seem to suggest even sting rays - you read that right - have begun to rob the thunder from under unsuspecting noses - one flippity-flappin' frame at a time. Don't believe me? Take a peek.

* Thanks to Courtney Smith, Chief Creative Officer, Pure Matter for the Mashable link above.

A picture is worth a 1000 licky-licks

Drooly yummylickylicious = summerspeak for quite a mouthful.

Can't get enough of these shots. More please... one for each flavour.

Best advtg artwork I've seen in a while, be it in a Kapiti or cone.

Awesome ad campaign by Colenso BBDO, Auckland.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

It's that time of the year again...

Compliments of the Season. Enjoy your holidays.

Have a Joyous, Prosperous & Marvelous Twenty Ten.

What's the weirdest video you saw in 2009?

Hardcore researchers will research anything they can get their hands on. But this is frickin' bats. Fruit Bat Fellatio is the weirdest vid I saw in 09.

WARNING: This video is sexually explicit and was edited & soundtracked (!!!) by the researchers.

Female short-nosed fruit bats have been observed performing fellatio on their partners during copulation. Mating pairs spent more time copulating if the female did so.

Cynopterus sphinx live in south-east Asia. The males often roost with small groups of females.

The bats copulate dorso-ventrally, with the male mounting the female from behind. During mating, the females reached over to lick the base of the male's penis in 14 of the 20 pairs that copulated.

The tip of the penis had already penetrated the female's vagina, and the males did not withdraw when the female licked the base of the penis.

Both the duration of an individual copulation, and the overall time a mating pair spent copulating, were increased if the female performed fellatio.

Talking about weird, this 1995 video of Susan Boyle (that went viral in 09) is right up there too...

So what's the weirdest stuff you saw in 2009?

AVATAR... the trilogy

Once upon a time on the distant moon Pandora, some very weird creatures began to appear. On closer examination, it was just me.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

All Whites are kicking arse on grass

A new high for footy in NZ.

The New Zealand All Whites have not only qualified for the FIFA World Cup 2010 in SA by beating Bahrain 1-0 in the play-offs...

...they even held reigning World Champions Italy to a draw in the qualifier held for forming the final 8 Groups playing the FIFA tournament.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Winter - U2... another piece of audio magic

Love Bono's smooth vocals?

Click here to check out Winter by U2.

This 90 second clip is from the OST of the Jim Sheridan movie 'Brothers'. Dunno much about the movie, but the track is master class.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Aus-some break. Awesome views in Qld, Aus.

Just spent 3 weeks in Australia. Landed in "Brisbeen" - capital of the sunshine state of Queensland. Drove down to the Gold Coast for a week, and then up to the Sunshine Coast for another. Took a dip at some of the best beaches I ever got sand between my cheeks on.

Every place we visited in Aus had awesome views to offer. Sure enough, we took heaps of touristy pics. Will upload them all on my Facebook soon.

Here I am getting all posey with it by the sea-front... with the ocean-kissed town of Mooloolaba behind me.

When I say every place in Aus has a view to offer, I mean every place!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Nike Air for Women - just toot it

What the Thais really mean is the shoes feel like you're walking on air.
So Ladies, slip 'em on and toot away... these boots are made for fartin'

Monday, November 9, 2009

All I know is I know nothing - Socrates

A series of mind-boggling factoids coming at you @ the speed of thought. A treat for trivia buffs and conversation fuel for all those occasions when you must come across as ooh-aah well-informed and worldly-wise.

Mr. Madness would like to thank Divyesh Patel for this post.

Monday, November 2, 2009

How to lose weight in 40 days

The God-awful Gabriel Method... the quickest way to lose weight.

They take your family, your money & your home by force and go:
"If you want any of that back, RUN... and don't stop for 40 days."

The God-awful Gabriel. Never fails. Always works.
Call today to get your family kidnapped - kids under 3 go free !!!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Shit happenstance = moment of frickin' truth

Private Randy Cockburn performs a dromedary drill

A picture is worth a 1000 turds

Powerful heat wave expected to hit nether regions of the country

Ouie Fontaine a la French Riviera

Forget Bird Flu. Beware of Bird Poo.

The Starship Enterprise No.9 boldly goes where no man has been

Hello... may I speak to myself?

Spot the Crown Jewels in the picture

C'mon Ref... that's gotta be a RED card.

Good Evening, the Headlines... IT WASN'T ME.

Mr. Madness would like to thank Zubin Singh for this post.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Yoga Workout or Binge Blackout. Do one daily.

Position of total relaxation.

Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana
This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

Position stimulates the midsection and the spinal column.


Provides excellent relief for back pain and insomnia.

Dolphin Pose
Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs and arms.


Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs and arms.

Ananda Balasana

This position is great for massaging the hip area.

This position, for ankles and back muscles.


This position helps get rid of 'excess alcohol' instantly.

Mr. Madness would like to thank Sunny Nirula for this post.